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Der Murman by EmptyShadow
Der Murman
Der Murman...Der Manmur...Mur Mander...Mur Derman...Man Dermur...Man Murder...

Wasted three hours scribbling and trying to figure out what to draw. It was painstakingly boring and depressing because nowadays I don't really have a lot of home time. I am seriously considering change of job and several of my coworkers share the same sentiment. The group is disorganized and micromanaged as hell. It's still at an early stage but if this persists any longer I have no problem leaving them a mess I no longer wish to have to grind through. Such big issues with large companies. And it's not the particular person or thing; it's the entire structure of how one entire group works. Are you familiar with Dilbert comic strips? It's starting to tragically reflect the job and people I work with. One thing I am grateful for is my coworkers. I will say that some are not entirely in the same status as I am, in terms of citizenship, workforce and also work culture. They have different benefits and demands, so I don't doubt they may deal with worse. However they share my frustration and at least always willing to finish the work. This is only to some of my coworkers, however. Others I wish to slap perpetually. 

There is a very long list of job related frustrations, however I assume this is only the beginning of it. If this wasn't common, things like Dilbert wouldn't exist. At least I am not alone. People would know. Anyway, enough job rant.

There is really no point nor purpose of concept on this picture, nor the title. Overall 'tis a silly product. I was interested in images playing with hues and contrast. I still have minimal idea on them. Pulled up some reference pictures and went from there. A bit of coloring style imitation in there too. Many improvements can be made on this picture. I am not entirely satisfied as how I intended for them to look, but this will have to do. 

I kind of liked the rough texture of coloring on Kai's portion, but I wasn't sure how to replicate that in a refined form entirely. 

What a beautiful merman! 

Character & Artwork © EmptyShadow 
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D.Amn pg 13 by EmptyShadow
D.Amn pg 13
I really wish I can put a thumbnail on this. It seems the only time I am ever active on DA is when I post something. That being said, my apologies for not responding well to the messages. I've gotten appreciative feedback on my previous deviations and also journals, and I read all of them, just not replied. Need to keep up with some Deviants as well. I shall try my best to attend these while I am active very very temporarily for now. 

I disappear off the face of the earth until I decide to post something. So if I am unresponsive, chances are I am rolling around somewhere else. I really miss the time when DA felt like my life and I checked on it daily. A lot of social media has lost my attention, but maybe that's a good thing. It's healthy to keep a decent part of your life offline. 

Anyway, this is page 13. This is the new format I wanted to try, it's sort of storybook-ish. Since I do not seem to have enough energy and motivation to draw several panels at the same time, I decided to create some space for myself with text. 

Personally, I am still struggling with my artwork. The difficulty of the composition, character not looking right, story flow not seeming awkward, panels not divided accordingly (I keep squishing images at the end), frustration from repetitive frames, time consumption in coloring & detailing,  etc. and while I am enthusiastic about comic, it drains too much out of me with my current abilities. 

So, I am going to allow myself to pace with my drawings. I would still be able to convey my comic story, while not straining myself excessively about the visual artwork. In my highest of hopes, over time my drawings will get better and more practiced in story telling. My motivation would remain more stabilized because I won't stress myself the perfection of drawings, which means more stable production.

Instead of raising high standards then only to take a step backwards, or fooling my mind with superficial motivations and inspirations, I plan to pace myself more tactically. 

I accept that I suck in many aspects. I am not professional and I am hardly productive, I am not as nearly good as I want to be, and I want to step out of this limitation. I really do; I want to improve and do something different. My drawings may look great others; that I appreciate greatly. But every time I draw I feel myself hitting a wall; it doesn't feel enough. It feels like same old thing. The only way to improve is to keep going; repetitive practices and also getting blockages & clutters out of my head.

There is so much clutter in my head; ideas, stories, new designs, etc. They are just stuck there. My mind imagines far greater things but my physical expression of it seems inadequate. 

So you know what, enough grudging...I don't want to push myself to a point I don't want to draw anymore, but I don't want to just laze around telling myself with false hope "it's ok just take your time. It will come back soon". They put me back to square one; feeling unproductive and not moving on. I have to keep moving!

This is the format I shall be using for now, for comics. If I choose to make the entire strip just words, then so be it. I just need to get this clutter relieved from my mind. 
When story flows, new characters will be properly introduced, characters' traits will become more clear, context would make sense, i.e make more room for me on what I can draw and post.

Right now I didn't put too much effort on the pictures. Comic panels are hard to compose for me still, so I went easy. And the text...I briefly proof read it. Who needs grammar anyway!

I do not know how legible or comfortable it is reading this. If you have any suggestions on the text (font, size, text spacing, not looking like a wall of text) that would be great. Let me know how the flow works out. 

Previous page: D.Amn - page 12
Next page: TBD 

Characters © EmptyShadow
Artwork © EmptyShadow 
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Hi all, happy new year! May this year bring health and fortune. I had many plans the past year of 2014 as I transitioned to a new lifestyle but I certainly did not get to achieve all of them. It took a lot of time adjusting and frankly new lifestyle literally meant by lifestyle. (I have graduated and am working full time now..)

My daily routines, freedom of schedule and source of inspiration as well as tiredness changed so much. And unfortunately art didn't really have its place.

Also complicated life events as we all face eventually held me bounded for quite a while. But at the end of 2014 I can say it wasn't exactly bad. In one way or another a part of me has developed and endured something new. Hopefully now at 2015 I can face the year with slightly different leverage and perspective. Mainly, at least related to DA and art, I really want to get something rolling. But hey this time, I actually have a slightly different tactic that I am dying to try. After all this hype of holiday and new years is over and I am back to my solo life, I am hoping to use this recharge to get something done. Yeah I know, I said it a million times. But over the last few months I have seen changes in things I have been waiting so long to see.

Life still has ups and downs and I am not happy about returning to a solo life and 8-5 workdays, but in bigger pictures of things year 2014 gave me a satisfying closure. Or is it that I have learned to find closure on my own? This entire year has provided some unpleasant training for me; meeting and dealing with unpleasant people and mainly the fact that I was on my own. That itself is a whole new realm of responsibilities and fears.

It sucked for the most part, but sometimes you have to suck it up and deal with it. Because what else can I do? Then as long as you stay communicative, mindful and respective of yourself it seems ok in the end. What started out feeling like punishments to inadequacy and interpersonal naivety just eventually turned into a brutal wake up call. And I am thankful that the wake up call was not destructive nor lethal, because I am sure not all are lucky to avoid. My life is not ideal, but it was enough to never let myself fall too far.

I am not sure not going to trivialize my own efforts though. I am proud of the changes I were able to bring to myself, because I chose to bring them. I am grateful of my upbringings like my family and opportunities, and I am proud of my choices I made to myself with these.

I am not psychic for I dont know what new things I will face now thats undoubtably more difficult, but I hope it will start differently. Ok, enough speech.

A lot has happened in the past year. However I shall not provide the details because...well, everyone has these times and it actually might not sound as spectacular as I personally perceive it. But freaking hell, even without guns and monsters the depth of human issues are ridiculous. I rather deal with interstellar aliens and flesh eating virus than the complicated mental, emotional world we deal with (I shall be careful what I wish for, I dont actually want to deal with apocalpyse and life of danger).

And you know what? My job kind of sucks, but thats life. You either learn the path of grand passion by succeeding in your wildest dreams or you face to learn the dull grayside of life, and learn to cope that things are not always like movies. And that is ok.

Never compare yourself to that kid in school who became CEO of a great startup company or earned a recognized position at a notable company, or get on TV for being successful at young age and tell yourself 'my life is not how it should be'. Sometimes things just turn out anti climax and dull, but you can always learn from it too, given you let yourself open to it.

My first job was so unflattering it was almost depressing. And because of how boring it was, I felt undeserving of the fortune my family provided to me. I felt like a disappointment and waste of resource. Actually I still do from time to time.

But I think I had to stop telling myself it isn't how it should be. Instead I had to keep telling myself 'too bad. What can I do about it?' so I pushed myself to occupy myself, so I spend less time moping and self punishing and most importantly, constantly trying to find a blame.

There was no point trying to put fault, neither other nor even myself. I decided to take responsibilities of what mattered more objectively, not out of guilt or self destruction.

For the most part, by living alone I realized wasting time blaming and pitying myself screwed nobody but me. Nobody else was home to take a lash out nor stop me from destroying myself.

Maybe at this time being alone wasn't too bad. Frankly at the beginning of my job and move in I broke up with my partner, which made me actually alone. This year truly started as alone, but I took the journey to learn to branch myself somewhere, outside or inwards, from that point.

Hmm I ended up writing too much. I guess overall I had a lot to reflect on, a lot because I have remained silent about this besides maybe one or two person, from friends, families and communities like DA. I guess my conclusion is that in retrospect this year was painful, but really meaningful. I hope my future years will be equally enlightening.

Stay happy and healthy everyone. Dont be too hard on yourself for disappointments; as long as you remain open it will provide something to you regardless. Great thank yous for those who kept up with me during my hiatus and also despite my hiatus. Hope to see many changes for 2015. Cheers!
Hi all, happy new year! May this year bring health and fortune. I had many plans the past year of 2014 as I transitioned to a new lifestyle but I certainly did not get to achieve all of them. It took a lot of time adjusting and frankly new lifestyle literally meant by lifestyle. (I have graduated and am working full time now..)

My daily routines, freedom of schedule and source of inspiration as well as tiredness changed so much. And unfortunately art didn't really have its place.

Also complicated life events as we all face eventually held me bounded for quite a while. But at the end of 2014 I can say it wasn't exactly bad. In one way or another a part of me has developed and endured something new. Hopefully now at 2015 I can face the year with slightly different leverage and perspective. Mainly, at least related to DA and art, I really want to get something rolling. But hey this time, I actually have a slightly different tactic that I am dying to try. After all this hype of holiday and new years is over and I am back to my solo life, I am hoping to use this recharge to get something done. Yeah I know, I said it a million times. But over the last few months I have seen changes in things I have been waiting so long to see.

Life still has ups and downs and I am not happy about returning to a solo life and 8-5 workdays, but in bigger pictures of things year 2014 gave me a satisfying closure. Or is it that I have learned to find closure on my own? This entire year has provided some unpleasant training for me; meeting and dealing with unpleasant people and mainly the fact that I was on my own. That itself is a whole new realm of responsibilities and fears.

It sucked for the most part, but sometimes you have to suck it up and deal with it. Because what else can I do? Then as long as you stay communicative, mindful and respective of yourself it seems ok in the end. What started out feeling like punishments to inadequacy and interpersonal naivety just eventually turned into a brutal wake up call. And I am thankful that the wake up call was not destructive nor lethal, because I am sure not all are lucky to avoid. My life is not ideal, but it was enough to never let myself fall too far.

I am not sure not going to trivialize my own efforts though. I am proud of the changes I were able to bring to myself, because I chose to bring them. I am grateful of my upbringings like my family and opportunities, and I am proud of my choices I made to myself with these.

I am not psychic for I dont know what new things I will face now thats undoubtably more difficult, but I hope it will start differently. Ok, enough speech.

A lot has happened in the past year. However I shall not provide the details because...well, everyone has these times and it actually might not sound as spectacular as I personally perceive it. But freaking hell, even without guns and monsters the depth of human issues are ridiculous. I rather deal with interstellar aliens and flesh eating virus than the complicated mental, emotional world we deal with (I shall be careful what I wish for, I dont actually want to deal with apocalpyse and life of danger).

And you know what? My job kind of sucks, but thats life. You either learn the path of grand passion by succeeding in your wildest dreams or you face to learn the dull grayside of life, and learn to cope that things are not always like movies. And that is ok.

Never compare yourself to that kid in school who became CEO of a great startup company or earned a recognized position at a notable company, or get on TV for being successful at young age and tell yourself 'my life is not how it should be'. Sometimes things just turn out anti climax and dull, but you can always learn from it too, given you let yourself open to it.

My first job was so unflattering it was almost depressing. And because of how boring it was, I felt undeserving of the fortune my family provided to me. I felt like a disappointment and waste of resource. Actually I still do from time to time.

But I think I had to stop telling myself it isn't how it should be. Instead I had to keep telling myself 'too bad. What can I do about it?' so I pushed myself to occupy myself, so I spend less time moping and self punishing and most importantly, constantly trying to find a blame.

There was no point trying to put fault, neither other nor even myself. I decided to take responsibilities of what mattered more objectively, not out of guilt or self destruction.

For the most part, by living alone I realized wasting time blaming and pitying myself screwed nobody but me. Nobody else was home to take a lash out nor stop me from destroying myself.

Maybe at this time being alone wasn't too bad. Frankly at the beginning of my job and move in I broke up with my partner, which made me actually alone. This year truly started as alone, but I took the journey to learn to branch myself somewhere, outside or inwards, from that point.

Hmm I ended up writing too much. I guess overall I had a lot to reflect on, a lot because I have remained silent about this besides maybe one or two person, from friends, families and communities like DA. I guess my conclusion is that in retrospect this year was painful, but really meaningful. I hope my future years will be equally enlightening.

Stay happy and healthy everyone. Dont be too hard on yourself for disappointments; as long as you remain open it will provide something to you regardless. Great thank yous for those who kept up with me during my hiatus and also despite my hiatus. Hope to see many changes for 2015. Cheers!

deviantID

EmptyShadow's Profile Picture
EmptyShadow
psycho keeper
Artist
United States
I like birds

My Tumblr: paransaeya.tumblr.com
Commission Page: emptyshadow.deviantart.com/jou…

Current Residence: My room
Favourite genre of music: Anything that sounds good
Shell of choice: Seashell
Favourite cartoon character: Hatake Kakashi
Personal Quote: If you flee in fear you will die, but if you face and fight your fear, you may survive.
Interests

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Comments


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:iconlunabelnadez:
LunaBelnadez Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
You are not maybe... open for commissions or art trades?! ;v;
Reply
:iconsoobirdy:
SOObirdy Featured By Owner Dec 20, 2014  New member
Happy early cristmas..Heart (:
Reply
:iconmichinsaeya:
michinsaeya Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2014
Kai :heart:
Reply
:iconparansaeya:
paransaeya Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2014
Your art is amazing. Keep up the good work. =)
Reply
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