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November 6, 2013
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Too many people misuse terms like anxiety disorder, panic attacks, OCD, and phobias, it's starting to tick me off. Everybody feels an amount of fear and discomfort doing certain tasks, everybody performs odd rituals or behaviors at some point, yet these people use it so casually, such that I nor others cannot take these seriously anymore; I cannot distinguish which one's are serious and which one's are from whining. 

I pretty much call bullsh** on "phobias" people claim to have on random things these days. Most of them are not even clinical phobias, and as far I understand things like "phobias of telephones" is seriously a symptom to a much bigger problem, like social anxiety. I am incredibly afraid of making/taking phone calls, it causes me to lose half my day and endless coldsweat, but I highly doubt I have a phobia of it. Labeling it just feels like an excuse to not deal with and further investigate your issue, and in a many cases, labeling is used for being a special snowflake. 

Actually, I just call bullsh** on a lot of recent labeling, labels other than illnesses but I will not specify them due to it being a sensitive topic. People try too hard to give a special name for themselves, when rest of the population is actually pretty much the same one way or another. They fail to notice these small details in everybody else, when it's sometimes, but not always, present in a different group of people. I see this as a response to feeling of underappreciated, which under circumstances I can understand, but there's a point where it's just plain stupid and honestly, purely from the ignorance of the world around you. 

No, feeling uncomfortable in a social situation doesn't necessarily mean you have anxiety disorder, being hyper sometimes doesn't make you ADHD, having mood swings doesn't mean you have bipolar, being a perfectionist doesn't mean you have an OCD, being sad doesn't mean you have depression, having inappropriate emotions in a serious situation doesn't mean you are emotionless, feeling great amount of discomfort or dislike doesn't mean it's a phobia, panicking does not mean it's a panic attack, having urges to do stupid crap doesn't mean you have a tic, watching horror and gore movies without feeling affected doesn't mean you are psychotic. Are people this incapable of handling normal amount of stress such that they have to label everything? If you are concerned, get a proper diagnosis by a doctor, instead of looking up quizzes and articles from the interwebs, making assumptions by yourself without objectively verifying it with enough resources, switching on your "victim mentality" to put blames on everything else but your own self. 

Granted, I also had a phase where I thought I had phobia of phones, anger management issues, abandonment issues, schizophrenia, insomnia, psychosis, apathy, whatever you name it, and many phases where I avoided admitting my faulty behaviors and judgment from lack of taking responsibilities, willingness, and just common sense. 

I mean, blaming on things and people, or coming up with random labels to sloppily paint over your issues does nothing in the long run. As much you may emotionally require it, what would putting blames going to do? The situation's not going to fix itself, and it's your job to do what you can to resolve your part. What would giving yourself hundreds of labels going to do if you don't even know your real problems? And what do I mean by label? Covering yourself with stickers for the rest of the world to see; you come up with as many as you can think of. It rarely helps you solve them, and honestly, just makes it sound a lot worse and overwhelming to yourself, unless you need these labels purely for diagnostic reasons and for doctors and people to know how to help you. Even then you can't expect people to automatically tend to your needs and be nice to you. If you want help, then get it yourself, don't use it as a means of manipulation or pity. 

Humans really do anything to throw pity parties and gain attention, and it saddens me that this end up shunning the people with actual problems. I know at some point everybody grows up, but the process is slow and having to watch this pathetic charade happen in and out just pains me, and all I can do is ...be patient, let them be, offer as much advice as I am qualified for (which is not a lot), try to ignore them and move on. I am sure I am not the only person wanting to punch the sh** out of stupid people. God, I wish I can make clones of these people, break their egos and beliefs into shatters and bitch slap the fu**ing sense out of them over and over. 

However I know it's not my place to "fix" people; I can't stop people from using words like cancer and rape in funny contexts or stop them from behaviors that encourages the association of pity party to something serious. All I can do is accept that this is how people grow up, and let higher, more qualified powers to take care of them instead; that would be a more mature, more healthy thing to do for myself. It's just that people abusing the terms like stickers and making it diverge away from what's actually serious bothers me and affects me at the same time. What if I said I had depression, but people assume I am just "sad" and will get over it or I am making an excuse? What if a friend said she has OCD, but people think it's funny to mess around? What if somebody has a phobia, and nobody takes him seriously until he vomits and passes out? What about people calling somebody bipolar just a "moody bitch"? I mean, this all could result from people naturally just not knowing about the disorder or illness, as they are not professionals. Perhaps I am particularly afraid of this happening and I am getting rather sensitive towards people misusing the words, because it's one thing to be invalidated, it's another to be invalidated for something serious. It could be totally uncorrelated, but it's still annoying to hear people diagnose themselves million things and make rude humors out of them, isn't it? 

Yes, people are annoying, but there's not much I can do about it, except encourage education and support educative communities, I guess. 
This isn't a preach, this isn't a PSA. It's just a rant to help organize my thoughts. There are way better things to do then grit my teeth for stupid things people do and wanting them dead. 
Perhaps I might get back to it when I can phrase it better or make better sense out of it. But I am done with ranting for now. 



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:iconantigravityfox:
AntiGravityFox Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2013  Student General Artist
THANK YOU, SOMEONE FINALLY SAYS IT. 

I've incorrectly assumed things about myself as we all have, I kept thinking I was bipolar or had some major social anxiety, but once the diagnosis was actually clear (Aspergers), I could finally stop mislabeling these things. I hate when people use these terms loosely and assume that "I'M AN INDIVIDUAL SO IM BETTER THEN EVERYONE HERE AND MY PROBLEMS ARE BETTER THAN EVERYONE ELSES NO MATTER IF THEY'RE REAL OR NOT"

It may have been just a rant journal, but damn it's nice to finally see someone else thinking the same thing.  And I really hope you feel better soon, it can be hard dealing with moronic people, but I truly hope you feel better soon.
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:iconhoz-boz:
hoz-boz Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
I really agree with you EmptyShadow~ I've had to deal with people like this my whole life where they use terms like this lightly and fling it about like its nothing, using terms in quite offensive contexts. I do wish sometimes that people didn't do this but they do...a lot. 
A lot of the things people fling about, should be kept to themselves, not being cruel, but its information between close family and doctors.

Thank you for writing this~ 
Huggle! 
Its good to get out of your system.

[Sorry I have to work with a mouse pad]
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:icondinizee:
DiniZee Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
i cant agree more
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:iconemptyshadow:
EmptyShadow Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2013
*thumbs up* 
Thanks for reading 
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:icondinizee:
DiniZee Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
no problem!

as for me, ive had many moments of feeling sad and dull and being a little anti social, im always confused whether if i ever had some real problems. my friends would tell me to go talk to a doctor about it. i never really got the chance to though. but after reading what u wrote, it made it really clear, and it somehow also explain what ive been feeling annoyed about from people i know for so long now. i really can relate to what your trying to tell us, and im also really glad you wrote it.
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:iconemptyshadow:
EmptyShadow Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2013
That's great, I'm glad that you were able to relate to it. It's a very frustrating thing and I was worried that I may not convey that properly on this journal. 
Hope everything goes well for you on your side. 
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:icondinizee:
DiniZee Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
thanks, and yeah i understand what you mean.
i also hope things go well on your side too
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:icon5urroundedbyrainbow5:
5urroundedByRainbow5 Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
THANK. YOU!
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:iconemptyshadow:
EmptyShadow Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2013
Thanks for reading 
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:iconnephsech:
Nephsech Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2013  Student Digital Artist
I think if you feel you need to label yourself with a condition, you may want to consider getting it diagnosed otherwise it can't be that serious... (I understand if you're in america etc and don't have the funds for it though)
I was diagnosed with co-morbid depression (caused by high anxiety disorder)
Ive never posted about it, on a journal or tumblr etc and I dont really care if people say 'I have anxiety disorder!' I just think 'oh well thats bad for you I hope you can work through that.'
I dont want or need people i dont know in person giving me sympathy.
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:iconemptyshadow:
EmptyShadow Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2013
Even if you get it diagnosed, it should really be an information you keep to yourself, your family and your doctor...it's really nothing to blurt about, unless you want to simply talk about it. 
Some people tell me it as if I am supposed to react to it. 
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:icondannyphantominsane:
dannyphantominsane Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I was always so so so so scared to tell anybody how I felt because I was afraid of annoying people by making them think I was just faking it or not really.. well .. anyway it took until I was down to my last few days of dealing with life before I actually got some damn help. Heck they sent me to a psych ward I was that bad. It's not people who say it that they have "ocd" or "phobias" It was always people picking on those people that made me the most anxious.. I don't know what I'm saying.. I'll go now..
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:iconhellbunny:
hellbunny Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2013  Student General Artist
The worst is having arachnophobia and wanting to be a field biologist. It isn't so much that I run screaming, I just suddenly feel spiders EVERYWHERE, my hair stands on end, and, if it's especially bad, I may vomit on the poor creature if it's close enough. It's something that can thankfully be treated easily if I can just get out of my financial hole, and I intend to. It's not fun, it's... REALLY freaking embarrassing and frustrating. I really DON'T want to hurt them or be so terribly scared of them, but I am. My mom's the same way with snakes, except she isn't as interested in getting treatment because snakes are apparently the devil. She's so bad that she will not visit my house because I have a ball python in my bedroom. 

But no, phobias aren't really fun. They're a considerable fear that I, personally, would love to scrape off. I don't like getting laughed at in my herpetology class when I panic after turning a rock over and finding a huge spider when I wanted a copperhead.
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:iconemptyshadow:
EmptyShadow Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2013
Man, sorry to hear that. That is terrible but kind of cute at the same time. You want to care for them but you can't help feeling phobic. 
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:iconaoruta:
Aoruta Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I agree completely, it seems that people simply sloppily slap some label on themselves at times to become victimized and pitied for attention when really they only have character flaws. I'm never sure of whether I should actually be diagnosed or I'm just an moody, aggravated, self-centered kid with some actual intelligence.  I wish I just could stay inside everyday and never have to leave my home again to see society dull over the years. 
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:iconemptyshadow:
EmptyShadow Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2013
Freeze myself and wait until these people disappear, haha. 
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:iconedanarose:
EdanaRose Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2013  Student General Artist
I feel the same way with sexualities to be honest. I have Virginitiphobia (ugh i hate saying it); I have no other explanation as to my intense fear and episodes when I see it. I've had people think I'm nuts or weird just from my reactions (which is NOT cool, boys and girls. It's annoying). I don't go around telling everyone about it, though, especially because it's so bad that even talking about it and saying the word makes me uncomfortable. I don't want people's help anyway, because I feel like it's normal to react that way, even though others don't think so. And it's too touchy for me to want them to try and get to "fix". If I want to "fix" it, I'll do it myself in my way, thank you very much. 

It annoys me when people say they have OCD (or even saying "oh I have some OCD" ((which isn't even possible lol))) just because one thing out of line makes them 'uncomfortable'. Oh, please. My mother suffered from OCD when we were babies and it is NOT just being uncomfortable. It's cleaning over and over again because you can't let a spec of dust on the floor, it's having episodes or attacks just because something is crooked or out-of-place. It annoys the fuck out of me when people say that. Everybody has a pet peeve and a tic, but for Christ sake, don't go saying you have a severe disorder when clearly you do not. I'm getting tired of labels too. I'd love to say that my sexuality doesn't need a fucking label, because I feel it really doesn't. But, I went with Pansexual cause I guess it's the closest there is and I don't want to have a life story with every person that randomly asks. Though I still don't like having to label it because then people always assume there's limits. :roll:
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:iconemptyshadow:
EmptyShadow Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2013
Sexuality was actually one of them, but I didn't really specify in my journal. I've seen a lot of people be incredibly sensitive about it, but I am totally fine if somebody brings it up in the manner you do. 
I think labels are actually fine, it helps people identify or describe themselves more, and it can definitely come in handy (in cases when people keep asking, like you said) but it's annoying when people advertise about it to get attention and specialty treatment. These kinds of information should be more or less kept to and dealt in a personal level, you know?

OCD is rarely funny and I hate it when people jokingly claim to have them. It's also not pleasant to live with somebody with conditions that debilitate their lives, especially if it causes tremendous amount of stress to the sufferer as well as the family. I actually find OCD to be one of the pretty tragic mental disorders when I read stories about them. 


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:iconedanarose:
EdanaRose Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2013  Student General Artist
Agreed. I hate when teens feel they need to pretend to have illnesses to be 'special' and noticed. Because, yes, people actually suffering from those illnesses are hurting all the time and have possibly the hardest lives. The worst part is that none of it is their fault and it makes me sad knowing that they have to go around and see others 'pretend' like that (I'm very empathetic). Like, I have depression (actually diagnosed) and it is hell. People always see others with depression as delicate little flowers, but that couldn't be farther from the truth. And unlike a lot of others (can't say that for sure though), I hate having other people's pity and sympathy when they find out I have it. I find it embarrassing to know that I can be so weak when I can be so strong in other times (I kinda have an ego, so it just makes the whole thing a little more.. weird). I'm not entirely sure why people are so sensitive about sexualities, personally, but that could just be because of my own view on it and how I don't feel I need a label. 

OCD is terrible.. It's just.. ugh. I feel so sorry for those people, like my mom. She was really bad, but seems to have grown out of it or something (idk how that works >_>), but it truly is a very sad disorder. I've always been interested in disorders, but not in having them, I enjoy learning about them because I've always wanted to know how far the brain can go and how it can maintain average life, but still malfunction. Plus, I care a lot about people and I want to help them the best I can. I want to be someone in the medical field and psychology has always interested me. Another sad disorder is Trichotillomania, which I tend to also suffer from. It is horrible and the only treatment is therapy, but I haven't gotten around to that cause we're so poor and yatta yatta. Basically, any type of disorder is just terrible, impulsive ones are one of the hardest though.
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:iconemptyshadow:
EmptyShadow Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2013
Me too, actually. It's actually embarrassing for people to know what I have and they somehow change their behaviors and judgement around me. It feels incredibly uncomfortable because anything with label "disorders" make a person look frail and sensitive. I want to live like a normal person, and me being treated differently just makes it worse. Though, I understand them trying to be more careful and nice to me, but there's a limit to that too, you know? I think people who are sensitive about sexuality probably either got emotionally hurt or invalidated for their preference, and being in a "group" makes me much more comfortable. Well, there are people who just...likes putting all these sticker labels on them too. People are people. 

Yeah most disorders are terrible and tragic, and the person who has them probably would give anything to not have them, but there are people who wants them -_- It's like they don't actually understand the burden of having them, just the attention... 

BTW, how come on your comment, the top paragraph looks different from bottom paragraph? The spacing is slightly different. 
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:iconedanarose:
EdanaRose Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2013  Student General Artist
EXACTLY!! OMG. It's something that I'm ashamed of and yet I have to deal with it! It's not something to look at as fashion or some desperate cry for attention! It's now part of our lives, but we want to be treated equally, not like some lab experiment.. It's like, when it comes to my phobia, I would love it if people would be soft about it instead of being like "wtf is your problem", because they treat me like an alien when I do that, yet when they find out I have depression, oh no, then I'm delicate little flower. :I It's like wtf. I honestly wish it were the other way around. Treat me softer when I react, then treat me with equality when you learn I have depression. UGH.

Yeah, I have plenty of friends online with these disorders: Schizophrenia, OCD, Multiple Personality Disorder, etc. And it's something they say they wish they never had and just want to be treated normally. They sometimes even say it's a curse and it makes me so sad to see them suffering like that, ugh. ;; I just wish I could help everyone, you know? 

I know! I noticed that too and it's really making me mad. :( 
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:iconhighxtops:
HighxTops Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2013  Student General Artist
I actually have trypanophobia and I get so annoyed when I tell people and they respond with 'Yea I used to be afraid of shots too'. No, not afraid. Petrified. I've made nurses cry, and had to be held down as a beg for my life. The day I have to get an immunization i'm in a cold sweat all day, I can't think straight, i feel like im going to vomit. Then when it comes time if someones not there to pin me down, well...i wouldn't even be there to get it done. There's tears, yelling, pleading, or so I've been told. I honestly don't remember much after it's over. Afterwords? Is just as bad, I'm a wreck all day. I hate it, and i hate when people tell me to just 'suck it up'. I work so hard to try and make myself go, and I have gotten better over the years but it's still hard. I don't blame anyone or anything. But for gods sake, its not just a fear. I would know. I'm also just afraid of spiders. Totally different thing.
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:iconemptyshadow:
EmptyShadow Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2013
The words "phobia" is, I think, very misleading because they have a huge list of fears in just about everything, but most of them are not clinical phobia. Phobia is an irrational fear, not just fear, but that's what people seem to use it for. 

Everything you just described about getting the shot just sounds like a torture, omg, like somebody strapping you down to a chair and bringing in this horrid looking object near your body; all you can do is cry and beg for it to not happen. 
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:iconhighxtops:
HighxTops Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2013  Student General Artist
It is indeed a hellish affair.
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:iconcallua-chan:
Callua-chan Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2013  Hobbyist Artist

I'm also very trypanophobic so I understand.

I went to counseling for it for six months and it still didn't help.

My doctor even said "You definately have a phobia of needles."

I hate it when people treat me like a whimp because of it or tell me to just "get over it"

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:iconhighxtops:
HighxTops Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2013  Student General Artist
Its so frustrating when people insist it's not a big deal.
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:iconcallua-chan:
Callua-chan Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
Ohmygoodness I know. People always say stuff like "hey no one LIKES getting shots, but seriously it's not that big or a deal. Just suck it up."
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:iconblargnarf842:
blargnarf842 Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I go to a mental health center for anxiety attacks that make me feel like i'm having a heart attack, and I was sitting outside because there were so many people in the building an ad someone comes out and starts screaming random things like "I don't want to eat the fruit!" and makes me realize how some people have it worse.
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:iconshadow-creator:
shadow-creator Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2013
I know what you mean. People are like, "I'm so OCD..." and I'm just too nice to correct them, but I want to yell, "NO YOU'RE NOT!"
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:iconemptyshadow:
EmptyShadow Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2013
Yeah me too..
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:iconkianturada:
Kianturada Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2013
It really bothers me, this. I do have depression and a severe anxiety disorder, paired with possible borderline personality disorder, at least that's what I read on the papers my doctor gives me. It gives me this horrible problem of being unable to communicate with others correctly, since when it comes to people I lose my nerve, and then fight or flight happens, and I either just sound like a babbling idiot (from stuttering and going quiet, or just backing down out of nowhere) or a raving lunatic (From getting upset, defensive, and hostile, doing anything to get the 'threat' out of the way.) I have to take a medicine usually to go to certain places, especially the hospital, because certain paranoias arise as soon as I get there, and it just spirals out of control in my mind until I find myself in hysterics. 
Now, do I believe people have to be nice to me for this? No. Definitely not, especially since in all honesty, I can most definitely be a jerk myself. Nor do I bring it up all the time, even if it shows at the times I least wanted to. But it just irritates the hell out of me when they're just insensitive about it, like someone calling themself my friend and then just telling me I'd 'just have to get over' the anxiety, that it's 'all in my head', or 'it's just a little needle' even after they see me crying, having to take a sedative, and nearly fainting, or even my grandmother trying to tell me 'It's just an excuse to be lazy.' It hurts because I honestly am trying, otherwise I wouldn't be going to a doctor for these problems twice a month for it. I'm making progress, but apparently it's not fast enough for some of these people.
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:iconemptyshadow:
EmptyShadow Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2013
I hope that you'll be able to keep making progress for yourself, and if other people can't deal with that, they need to seriously suck it. 
Sometimes people just need to back out of you personal issues and keep their mouth shut about it. I don't mean that they should sugar coat their words or retract criticisms, but if they can't say anything useful, they really shouldn't. It feels incredibly invalidating to the person's efforts and feelings.

Thanks for sharing your story.  

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:iconwalkermonetart:
WalkerMonetArt Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2013   Digital Artist
Sadly the internet has made is "cool" and "unique" to have phobias or mental disorders for some reason people thinks it gives "fluff" to their character or use them as an excuse to even do thing that most people would frown upon. The sad part it hurts people who really suffer from disorders and so on, I use to have to take medicine for depression when I was 16 for legit emotional trauma. I've had people get angry at me and tell me I was just faking for attention because this other person did the same thing. I've even had friends who use to "calm" that had depression but half the time they we're just sad with problem that could be fixed withing minutes. I just avoid people who down talk those with depression and avoid telling people I've been so
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:iconemptyshadow:
EmptyShadow Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2013
It's beyond frustrating when people think mental problems can be fixed in a jiffy, that its cause is something so simple, like a bad day or something broken. Sometimes the cause is unknown or complicated, and it's great that some people know how to manage their emotions, but they can't apply that to everyone else. It's rather hurtful when people look down at you for something that's not meant to necessarily work for you.

Also, for those who struggle with mental illnesses or any other type of disorders/disabilities, they are always told that those should not define them...and yet, these people on internet does the exact opposite...
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:iconwalkermonetart:
WalkerMonetArt Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2013   Digital Artist
I can agree with pretty much what you said
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:iconniobesnuppa:
Niobesnuppa Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2013
Nearly everyone has minor OCD when it comes to certain things, but I think probably the distinction between -real- OCD (ie serious OCD) should be when it actually gets in the way of a person's everyday living and it causes distress to the person, not just "Oh yeah, I like want this drawing to be perfect, I totally have OCD, LOL!".
Phobia has started to become a term that people just use randomly for everything without even knowing fully what it means. >_> This makes it extra hard for those who have real phobias to get taken seriously 'cause everyone's like "Yeah I totally have a phobia of that too, but I don't let it get in the way for me. Stop being such a coward, it's just a phobia.", or even worse: "Oh you have depression? Don't be depressed, cheer up, did something happen today?" I had a friend who reacted like that when I told him I have clinical depression (yes, it is diagnosed by a doctor) and then he got pissed off at me because him just saying "Cheer up" didn't make the problem magically go away.
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:iconemptyshadow:
EmptyShadow Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2013
Exactly! I can relate to the "Yeah I totally have a phobia of that too, but I don't let it get in the way for me. Stop being such a coward, it's just a phobia." type of response. 

Serious mental problems get in the way of the person's life, it's not a one time thing. I don't think these people actually understand the extent of how much the issues can affect people's lives, and sometimes, there are no reasons. I hate it when people invalidate somebody's issues because nothing "bad" happened or their lives seem good. A good friend of mine told me that ADHD people just need to think harder, or that people like me who has hard time interacting with people need to have more willingness (I stopped responding to her afterwards because the conversation getting stupid). It's so freaking invalidating.

And to think that saying "you are beautiful" will cure anorexia, or "have confidence" would rid of low confidence is so shallow. Mental illness is not a surface problem! 
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:iconniobesnuppa:
Niobesnuppa Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2013
It's so annoying. D: And then they start rolling their eyes and call you an attention whore when their oh-so-wise words don't make your phobia disappear.

Exactly. They're just incapable of putting themselves in other people's shoes; "Oh, it's so easy for me to pay attention in class and get good grades, so obviously people ADHD must just be lazy and using their ADHD as an excuse for not trying". And the oh-so-annoying "There are people a lot worse off than you, stop whining so much" to depressed people. Ugh.
Also, regarding the "nothing bad has happened in their lives" part, a lot of people don't seem to realise that just because a person doesn't seem like they have issues, it doesn't necessarily mean that they don't have any issues. Many people who have psychological problems like depression or anorexia and such don't go around telling everyone about it, so people could always have more severe issues than they seem below the surface.

I think people just seriously need to educate themselves about these things instead of just saying these unhelpful and frankly really annoying things to people who have severe problems.
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:iconemptyshadow:
EmptyShadow Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2013
OMG your examples completely reflects the crap my friend said to me. I lost respect for her after those conversations. She's a really good friend, but completely unreliable for support. I hate to hate her but it gets on my nerves so much. Mental illnesses are illnesses...why does it necessarily have to have sad stories and tragic causes? It can be hereditary, caused by imbalance in brain chemicals, childhood events (which always seem to have a lot of effect) or even caused by any biological reasons. Even then, people who do have problems don't necessarily have mental disorders either! 

I am pretty tired of the "there are people with lives worse than you", but it's such a common thing to hear when somebody's having a hard time. It's not like it's going to lift depression or anxiety off of a person. I recently saw a video of a talk where the talker said "Hard is not relative; hard is hard", that you can't really say who's situations are "harder" or worse than others. Depression is hard, divorce is hard, death in the family is hard, why invalidate anybody's problems, especially if they are genuinely having hard time dealing with it? Though...I think people who whine too much about it and waste their time not trying do better things deserve a bit of smack on the face. But I stopped using the "there are people worse than you" argument. It rarely works and frankly doesn't help those in genuine struggle. 
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:iconniobesnuppa:
Niobesnuppa Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2013
I've had that happen to me as well. =\ I tried talking to what was the only friend I had at the time about my depression, and he basically just told me to stop whining and said I should pretend to be happy when I'm around him and never contact him when I'm feeling down. Again, he was the only friend I had at the time, so if I wasn't allowed to contact him, I had literally no one to talk to about my problems.
I think the only way to not hate them for it is to keep reminding yourself that they're not doing it to be mean; they just don't know any better. If they had gone through the same shit themselves, chances are they would be a lot more understanding and helpful about it.

Exactly. It's not a goddamn competition, so I don't understand why so many times when people with serious psychological problems like depression or they're going through a difficult time are trying to talk about their problems, other people feel the need to remind them that there's children in Africa who are starving. Of course we should help the kids in Africa and of course they have it bad in ways we can't even imagine, but does that mean that we're not allowed to be depressed? It's like these people are just trying to guilt you into silence or something.
Well, I dare say that if people whine without trying to solve their problems, chances are they've either given up (at which point they of course need immediate psychological help before you do something dangerous), or more often, their problems aren't really that hard and they just like to throw themselves a pity party because they don't get enough attention from people.
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:iconemptyshadow:
EmptyShadow Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2013
That's unfortunate. What kind of a friend tells you to not contact him when you are feeling down and pretend to be happy? You'd think friends are ones who will at try to be by your side, and if they genuinely can't help you, then just don't say anything, maybe at least "sorry I cannot help you talk about this". I guess I was fortunate enough for my friend to not really say that. She was rather considerate; she'd always say "you can talk to me" but when you do, it pretty much goes into a sh**hole lol The slightly worse part was that when something similar thing happens to her, she actually gets super melodramatic about it, with the "why does it always happen to me" attitude. She did have her own problems...but I couldn't stand her such spoiled attitude. I try not to blame her though...but I will blame her parents. They are extremely snobby and sheltered tbh. 

I agree, everything's becoming a competition nowadays, and people are battling more and harder because of the internet. If you really think about it, this whole "competition" deal is really people just being children. When they lack attention, they compete by crying the loudest and making the most trouble, even if things get a bit out of hand and inappropriate. Yet, even as adults, people still do this, and like children, quite difficult to control and see a lot of things in only black and white. Why am I not entitled to my own feelings because of some other beings' problems? Yes, they require help, but why should sacrifice and ignore my own hardship? Would you tell a child crying over his parents' divorce that there are children in Africa starving? What does that do? It doesn't bring the parents back together, it doesn't heal the child's sadness and fear. It's completely irrelevant, and it only helps people appreciate their life more, not fix it, and even appreciation may not help those with deep personal issues like self hatred, depression, anxiety, suicide, etc. People try to be louder, yet the one who need to speak up become silent. 

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Niobesnuppa Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2013
A really crappy kind of friend. He also ditched me and broke off all contact with me while I was having a bit of a mental breakdown because he got into a relationship and I just suddenly wasn't important to him anymore, if I ever was. Just as well, I guess, no use keeping people like that around.
Sounds like she has a definite lack of self insight. >_> Unable to put herself in other people's shoes, I guess.

That's exactly what it is. It also works a little bit in the way of something we call "The Jante Law" here in the Nordics, which is basically a collection of unwritten douchey rules that a lot of people live by, and the rules involve stuff like "You are not to think you're anything special", "You are not to think you're better than us", "You are not to think you're as important as us", "You are not to think anyone cares about you", etc. Mostly this term is used when people refuse to acknowledge talent and success, but I think it can be applied here too.
It doesn't help the kid who's crying and it doesn't help the children starving in Africa, all it really does is make one self-righteous person feel superior and important.
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EmptyShadow Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2013
The Jante Law, huh? ( You learn something new everyday : D ) lol I feel like people who apply those types of rules on others but not themselves will result into...well, these annoying competitive people. 
I so agree with your last sentence, it's something I want to smack at people all the time ]: 

Also, good riddance to your friend, lol. I hope whoever is together with him won't have to go through the same ordeal. 


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(1 Reply)
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TobiObito4ever Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I know, right? I once knew a girl who lied about being raped just to get attention. I still feel disgusted about it. Basically what she just did was give a big middle finger to those who were actually raped.
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EmptyShadow Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2013
I get a bit ticked when people use that word in a context like "this exam is going to rape me" but it makes me more disgusted when people lie about being raped. 
It just seems so careless, how could you say that in spite of actual victims who suffer? 
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:icontobiobito4ever:
TobiObito4ever Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
What's even more sickening is that she has an army of people who believe her story and her fake pregnancy. I fear for our future generations...
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EmptyShadow Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2013
Wow, she really tried keeping up with her story
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:icontobiobito4ever:
TobiObito4ever Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
As quoted by a certain man in Jurassic Park:

:iconclevergirlplz::iconsaysplz: Clever girl.
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:iconcarneeval:
Carneeval Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2013  Student Digital Artist
One of the biggest issues is on places like tumblr, it practically pushes to have some sort of mental or social disorder to fit in there. It's sad but it's becoming 'popular' to have some sort of disorder on tumblr and make it a problem on a constant basis. Which comes as an insult for those who have been diagnosed and medicate for these sorts of things, that their literal and very real disorders are being used as a joke. The worst part is when people start using them as excuses to not do anything and never leave the house, when people with these same issues are forced to actually face them and get on with life while being thrown into very real anxiety over it, but they've been suffering from it for so long that it's all they can do.

I absolutely despise that people actually think that it's 'fun, hip, and cool' to suffer from these things. They don't understand the actual word suffer when it comes to the subject and refuse to even try to move on with their lives with that on their person.
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:iconemptyshadow:
EmptyShadow Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2013
I totally agree. It's not even like people with real disabilities and illnesses don't try; Some would spend more energy and time than normal people to overcome their problems, but this extreme effort is completely trivialized by people who abuse these terms and make excuses out of them. Even if they were in fact legitimate hardships, it still doesn't make it any better when they make excuses by using big words. 

Those who use this to be 'fun, hip and cool' seriously need to find something better to do, because it's not really a topic they should make fun of. 
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